Here we are 15 good reasons to approach the season of cocktails and cookies with healthy aplomb.
1. The last three pounds you triumphantly lose will go completely unnoticed by everyone else.
2. Sneaking a bag of sliced celery sticks into a movie theater is as pointless as the $8 box of Sugar Daddies you will buy halfway through the movie.
3. When a “friend” caresses your upper arm and says “You’d be gorgeous if you just toned this up,” you will look him up on Facebook ten years later and find that he died alone.
4. We are living in a glorious age where leggings paired with a flowing shirt are fashionable.
5. The law of nature gives women periods. Periods give us cravings. Cravings give us Tater Tots. This is the law of nature.
6. If a burger comes with a side salad, is it really a burger? (See above: The Law of Nature.)
7. After a certain age, your face looks thin despite a muffin top around your waist.
8. Fretting over your muffin top will just make you want to bake muffins.
9. The more weight you gain, the bigger your breasts. Money once spent on push-up bras can be redirected towards organic donuts. Donuts made of buttermilk, organic cane sugar, and ripened strawberries which melt in your mouth.
10. If your significant other is male, accept the fact that he will likely eat three times as much as you and still retain a flat stomach.
11. If you find yourself hiding the last of the Thanksgiving potatoes from your significant other, no one will judge you.
12. A cupcake will not kill you. However, falling off your spin bike because you were distracted by visions of cupcakes just might.
13. In some circles, abstaining from once-a-year delicacies such as eggnog means you hate children, Santa, and the Baby Jesus.
14. If we could harness all the energy we spend worrying over a few extra pounds, we would have the ultimate renewable energy source. Seriously.
15. Pop culture says we are all too skinny or too fat. Common sense says we are all beautiful. Suck it, pop culture. Suck it.
